Preface
This is a record of and reflection on my life from August 16 to August 21, 2022. Work remained relatively relaxed this week, allowing for more time to converse and dine with colleagues midweek. With limited time at home, the overall pace was leisurely. The atmosphere of July and August felt reminiscent of summer vacations past, unburdened by any sense of guilt. Nevertheless, I managed to read some books and establish a more regular reading routine in terms of time, frequency, and approach.
Midweek, I experienced some disheartening events in my emotional life (perhaps it can no longer be called a relationship, but rather memories). After a few days of adjustment, I’ve recovered somewhat. I’m concerned about my state of mind and have been seriously contemplating whether I should (again) adopt a cat.
Career Musings
Last week, I listened to the episode “65. Kernel Panic × Fengyanfengyu: What would we do if we weren’t programmers?” and found it quite thought-provoking. Unlike the guests, my journey into programming was more of a serendipitous occurrence. In my relatively short life thus far, I’ve experienced several turning points, like different world lines, and I often wonder if another version of myself in a parallel universe is happier or equally perplexed.
In truth, I’ve never harbored grand ambitions. As a child, I never dreamed of becoming “X scientist.” More realistically, I once considered becoming a teacher, but after spending several years with an unkind elementary school homeroom teacher, I lost much of my enthusiasm. It’s not that I think teaching is a poor profession; I simply feared becoming that kind of adult.
In high school, as I read and wrote more, I entertained dreams of becoming an independent writer or journalist. Perhaps there was a touch of naive righteousness and heroism, but overall, I had no grandiose or noble ideas like “revitalizing Chinese literature” or “exposing social ills.” I simply thought how wonderful it would be to combine my hobby of reading and writing with my profession.
After the college entrance exam, I participated in an international volunteer teaching program where I met real international journalists, which further shaped my imagination of future careers. However, as I grew older, I gradually realized that I lacked the imagination to become a writer and the courage to be a journalist. This is perhaps the price of growing up - no longer being able to loudly proclaim one’s so-called “ideals” and having to acknowledge and face one’s limitations.
Being assigned to the English major was fortunate in a way, as it didn’t make me feel like I was wasting time during my period of uncertainty about the future. In my first two years of university, I didn’t think much about the future. Instead, I spent my free time learning various software like Photoshop and Premiere, actively participating in various student organizations, and being the “tech geek” in the liberal arts college.
The logic behind most software isn’t complex; it’s a matter of practice makes perfect. Gradually, an idea formed: rather than just “using” software, wouldn’t “creating” it be more interesting? So I started learning to code with Python. I took many detours, experiencing months of only being able to do homework exercises without creating complete projects. It’s only now, after much exploration, that I’ve barely scratched the surface.
At that time, I didn’t consider it as a career goal; I simply thought I was doing something interesting and cool. In my junior year, on a whim, I started learning photography. I bought a Sony A7M3 mirrorless camera (which I still use today) and began documenting landscapes and human interest stories while on business trips during my internship.
The mentor who taught me photography was a deep journalist and documentary director. He didn’t teach me basic composition principles or how to adjust parameters. Instead, he subtly conveyed that even for a simple photograph, one must conceive a theme in mind when shooting, like telling a subtle story. All composition, tone, or effects should serve this story. This perspective continues to influence me.
After my internship, I returned to school and opened my own video studio, taking on promotional video and online course production and editing projects. Starting from lighting, scene setting, green screen, and so on, I experienced various aspects of the industry with a minimal workflow. I did consider making it my profession, but ultimately felt it lacked sufficient interest, so I abandoned the idea.
As graduation approached, I consistently considered becoming a product manager. I learned about and experienced some related work, but still felt my interest lay in “creating” and the satisfaction of truly completing something, rather than designing and outlining blueprints (while still feeling I lacked sufficient creativity). So I didn’t pursue that path either.
Finally, I went abroad to study in a different field and returned to become a fairly competent programmer. This is my current career path. Although there are many aspects I’ve glossed over, I’ve genuinely experienced confusion, struggle, dejection, and various other emotions at each stage. Being able to reach this point involves both luck and the rewards of effort, which I deeply cherish. I can’t be certain I’ll always be a programmer, but it will likely always be related to coding in some way, as it’s the most interesting thing I’ve done so far, with endless room for exploration. The story continues, and who doesn’t want to experience a more diverse and interesting lifestyle?
404 Not Found
This might be a somewhat cryptic title.
On websites, if content no longer exists, a “404 Not Found” page is usually displayed to notify visitors. I’ve always found this quite cool. I once chose a 404 icon style for the bag I carry my power bank in, and for a while, I added Google’s little dinosaur animation to my introduction page (Google Chrome browser has an offline jumping game when there’s a problem accessing a website, giving visitors some entertainment while they wait).
I’ve always considered myself a person with a high error tolerance, able to face small mistakes and mishaps calmly or even jokingly, often proud of this attitude. Until my relationship became 404 Not Found.
In truth, I wasn’t blind to the signs of being cleared out or disassociated, and I was gradually accepting some realities as time passed. But when the 404 prompt appeared before my eyes, I discovered the pain was much stronger than I had imagined, tearing open the facade of strength I had been maintaining for so many days.
I’ve always been more optimistic about relationships compared to other aspects of life. Now I have to acknowledge the inherent tragic nature of relationships. The former sweetness has become a thorny cage constraining me now. Not touching it means not getting hurt, but it also means losing the courage to step forward.
Cats
To be honest, before being with her, I had never thought about keeping a cat. I probably felt that someone who couldn’t even take care of themselves had no right to be responsible for another living being. But when we actually had a new family member, I gradually discovered that I enjoyed this dependence and being depended upon, and life seemed to have many more goals.
After she left, Xiao Shu was taken away too. Although I often jokingly tell friends that I’ve lost “both person and cat,” I know that my care wasn’t as good as hers before, so this choice is understandable. It’s just that every time I recall the past, I feel twice as sad.
After watching the documentary “The Secret World of Cats” last night, I learned more about many thoughts and interaction details of cats that I had previously overlooked. It vaguely sparked the idea of whether I should raise a cat again. However, this feels like a betrayal to Xiao Shu, and I’m still not mentally prepared to properly care for a new member. Welcoming a new member when I’m in need is hardly a responsible choice for either the cat or myself.
Perhaps someday in the future.
Miscellaneous
This section will record some of my inputs, outputs, and other things I find interesting.
Learning
This week, I continued to follow the plan and watch some learning course materials. I finally caught up with the smart contract courses (32 hours, so long!). However, because I’m already familiar with contracts, and there’s a lot of repetitive code, I rarely followed along and wrote directly. I plan to analyze the project source code this week, so the amount of code in these two weeks has been pitifully small. I’m almost becoming a Markdown engineer.
Blog Related
The previous article I wrote about Stablecoin still needs some modifications, but I haven’t made the changes yet due to my state in the latter half of the period. I need to adjust and improve it in the next few days. This week, I’ll continue to complete the following blog posts (which I’ve been procrastinating on for a long time):
- Cosmos Principles and Architecture
- Docker Basics and Practice
- k8s Basics and Practice
Input
Books
This week, I dug out my long-forgotten Kindle Oasis 2, cleaned up the account and book categories, leaving only “To Read,” “Reading,” and “Read” categories, basically synchronized with Douban. This way, I can read for about 50 minutes during my commute every day, and sometimes a bit at home. It’s more immersive and easier on the eyes than reading e-books on my phone.
- Tim Cook: The Genius Who Took Apple to the Next Level, finished reading. The book is ordinary, feeling more like a pile of information, but it did help me understand more about post-Jobs Apple and the values it practices.
- Work, Consumerism and the New Poor, an interesting book. I’ve read two chapters, and it’s quite inspiring for my recent thoughts on work status.
- The Grid Writing Method, a small book recommended by Randy, I’ll read it this week.
TV Series
- Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I initially started watching this drama after seeing a clip and finding the female lead cute, but surprisingly, I’ve been following it weekly to the end. An autistic lawyer is quite a new perspective, and commendably, it doesn’t just focus on the female lead’s fortune but also includes cases related to other autistic individuals. The main plot isn’t extensive, but the relationship between the male and female leads is refreshingly natural.
Movies
- Small Remembrance, Although I’m not yet at the stage where I can calmly watch romance movies, I did immerse myself in this one. I could see some scenes and appearances similar to those described in “A Bouquet,” but with less deliberate emphasis on fate and sentimentality, and more of the past and present entanglements fused into words and gestures. Additionally, the late-night Japanese street scenes completely fulfilled all my fantasies about beautiful fate. I want to go there.
- The Secret World of Cats, I gained some understanding of cats’ thoughts and could feel the pain of having owned a cat and then being separated from it. I’m considering adopting a cat again after I adjust a bit (there’s always some inexplicable feeling of betrayal).
Anime
- Arcane: League of Legends, I wanted to watch it when it first came out but only caught up now. It’s the pinnacle of animation I’ve seen in recent years in terms of visuals, plot, pacing, and soundtrack. Although I don’t play League of Legends and might miss some emotional connections to the characters and storylines, I could still see a great story and a matching grand worldview. Looking forward to the next season.
- Summer Time Rendering, It’s getting more and more exciting.
Games
I suddenly discovered that Douban also has a feature to record games. I modified my n8n automation script and added the function of synchronizing game records. In the future, I also want to add some relaxing elements to my daily life.
- Disco Elysium, It’s a famous literary game from the past two years, created by several writers. I played a bit on Steam before, but the record wasn’t saved. Recently, I bought the Switch cartridge version to play properly and also as a collection. I’ve played for about two or three hours and am attracted by the art style and the thoughts behind it. I’ll play slowly and might write something about it.
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