Preface
This is a record and reflection of my life from October 10, 2022 to October 18, 2022.
Due to the pandemic, I had been staying at home in Hangzhou. As the weather turned cooler and I hadn’t brought many clothes, I bought a ticket back to Beijing as soon as my health code turned green. I returned to Beijing on Friday. In just half a month, my home had become quite messy, so I spent almost the entire weekend cleaning and organizing.
Two projects have started to overlap, and my work efficiency at home hasn’t been very high. It’s been a while since I’ve properly learned something new, so I’ve reorganized my study plan and schedule.
On a positive note, I finally managed to stick to morning runs for a few days, seeing the long-missed scenery of Hangzhou. However, I clearly felt that my physical fitness has declined. As autumn and winter approach, I might focus more on indoor exercises.
A Memorable Conversation
A friend I met in a university club, whom I’ve always called my disciple, has completed his first novel and started a book recommendation channel on Bilibili. It feels like a serendipitous occurrence. I remember discussing writing such a work long ago, like a seedling hidden in memory, and now the first seed has begun to sprout. As a witness to this, I’m genuinely happy. As the “master,” I find that some things I’ve always wanted to do (like starting a Bilibili channel) have been continuously postponed. I should work harder too.
I’ve always cherished this kind of communication that isn’t based on daily interactions. Although we haven’t been in touch for nearly two years, I still discovered many similarities in our ideas and characteristics. It’s like a magnetic field or tacit understanding. Interactions based on personality traits rather than daily routines or other purposeful communications are more likely to endure. It seems that all it takes is a thought, a “By the way, I suddenly thought of…” or an unprompted “Shall we have a call?” after several months to open up the conversation. It’s a very pleasant relationship dynamic.
Gender and Communication
Initially, we discussed the issue of gender and communication. It was mentioned that it seems quite common for men to find it difficult to completely focus on content produced by women. It’s as if they’re particularly sensitive to photos, work, and emotional status, often overlooking viewpoint-based output, as if gender creates a barrier to equal communication.
This is an interesting phenomenon that seems to naturally exist in relationships between different genders. Due to some innate differences in the level of sensitivity, men are more likely to be the ones ignoring women’s viewpoint expressions. Admittedly, I’m not a particularly noble person either, and I can’t help but be influenced by appearance or what we call charm in forming initial impressions. However, once a relationship enters the realm of friendship, I tend to ignore these factors in pursuit of more authentic and equal communication. Especially as I’ve gradually become less dependent on social interactions, I’ve come to cherish these opportunities for communication even more, and such sincerity often receives similar responses.
Creation and the Desire to Share
We also discussed the relationship between creation and sharing. In a sense, both my blog and my friend’s book are forms of creation, and they are also carriers of our desire to share.
Writing, producing content, expressing ideas, or gradually realizing previously buried thoughts are manifestations of the desire to share. It’s not about telling others that we’re writing something seemingly impressive out of vanity, but rather about wanting to express ourselves sincerely, or hoping that our works, which we’ve put our heart and soul into, will be taken seriously or receive some feedback.
My friend’s analogy was apt: it’s like shouting into a valley, hoping to hear an echo.
Introspection and External Seeking
What left a deep impression on me was the concept of “introspection and external seeking.” As humans, our focus is often divided into internal and external aspects. Comparatively, external focus tends to dominate due to its more stimulating nature and positive feedback, while internal focus is often easily overlooked.
It seems that from a certain stage, we begin to fear and be wary of our own changes. We worry about one day no longer being able to absorb books and movies, or having empty thoughts after experiencing them - how unimaginable and unacceptable that would be. At the same time, we seem to worry about ceasing to change, for how many interesting life stages would we miss then?
Upon reflection, I realized that I’m actually afraid of losing the ability to introspect. External seeking always seems to have some answers, while introspection has no endpoint. If we lose our inner core, lose the curiosity and drive to explore ourselves, that would be the most fearful and unbearable thing.
Miscellaneous
This section will record my inputs and outputs, as well as other things I find interesting.
Input
Books
- The Art of Fiction by Somerset Maugham, an addition to the list. I first read it several years ago and have reread it several times since. It can be said to have reignited my passion for literary classics.
- Common Sense by Li Ao, a collection of political commentaries. I must say, some of the political views from so many years ago are quite interesting when viewed in the current Chinese environment.
- The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind, which I read in my freshman year. Revisiting it on the journey, it feels quite different, especially as one can feel individual characteristics gradually being erased in the present day.
Movies
- Fall, I was on edge throughout the entire movie, and it was quite a different experience. The last time I felt this way was probably during “The Walk.” Although I’m not afraid of roller coasters and such activities in daily life, I don’t deliberately seek thrills either, so it’s probably hard for me to understand this kind of experience. I’m a bit curious though. I’ve been thinking about going hiking recently, maybe I could try bungee jumping and skydiving later.
TV Series
- The Terminal List, the setup in the first episode felt a bit tiring and depressing, but the pacing became very tight afterwards. PTSD and revenge elements are common in series now, but there were still many surprises. I looked it up and found out it’s directed by the same person who did Person of Interest, which explains the familiar feeling.
- Ishiko and Haneo: You Can’t Sue for This, I watched this drama because of a meme of Kasumi Arimura. The style is nice, but the plot and cases are just okay. Maybe it was originally intended more as a reflection of social conditions and for educational purposes. Also, why does it feel like there are more and more good new legal dramas recently?
- Empresses in the Palace, I watched it over the weekend at home. I wasn’t interested in the theme before, and among historical dramas, I’ve always liked “Nirvana in Fire”. However, after finishing it, I found many different points of attraction. The pacing of the series and the acting skills at that time were quite exceptional.
- Silent Snow, a new Japanese drama I’m following. It’s very beautiful.
Anime
- Wolf Children, I suddenly came across this anime movie that I had bookmarked since high school while browsing my “want to watch” list on Douban, so I opened it and finished it. I really like the art style, especially the detailed depiction of natural scenery. Although the ending is fairly good in terms of plot, it still feels a bit depressing. I really like the personalities of the characters.
- Chainsaw Man, it was quite famous when I was in high school, but I didn’t watch anime at that time. I’m catching up now, and the first episode is quite good.
- Pantheon, I heard from a colleague that to watch this anime, you need to understand deadlocks, mutex locks, and parallel computing. That piqued my interest, so I started following it. The setting seems quite interesting.
Games
- Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, I’ve played more than half of it, but I’m getting a bit tired. It’s quite brain-intensive. I’ll finish it when I have more free time in the next wave.
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