Preface
This piece is a record and reflection of my life from 2023-02-27 to 2023-03-07.
This week has brought significant changes to my life, and for various reasons, I’m about to leave Beijing. With many things to handle, I’ve been updating Twitter and my Telegram channel less frequently, and even GitHub has seen unusually long periods of inactivity.
Overall, though, it’s a positive trend. I’ve rescued myself from the inertia of a certain lifestyle and discovered that my mindset has changed considerably over the past half year. The old me would only go out once every few weeks, hadn’t been anywhere in Beijing for almost two years despite living here, and still had only a handful of friends. I even felt a sense of mental discomfort just getting off the high-speed train when returning to Beijing from Hangzhou. Yet, now that I’m truly about to leave this city, I find there are quite a few people and things worth missing.
I visited an exhibition, went out for drinks twice, had several gatherings, met some people, and experienced many interesting things.
Beijing x Story x Farewell
My favorite Japanese drama is called “Tokyo Love Story,” from ‘91 or ‘92. It’s quite old now. I love how just a few characters can sketch out all the impressions of a city. Of course, the main reason is that I’m too fond of Rika, and I often see reflections of myself in Kanji.
In my twenty-some years of life, I’ve had fleeting encounters with several cities. Even for Hangzhou, where I lived for over a decade, I never felt that the city itself left much of an impression or sense of belonging - it was always about the people. In the previous piece, I wrote about Wuhan, and this time, let’s talk about Beijing. Although I can’t say I’m fond of it, I’ve experienced a lot here, and it’s still worth a dedicated theme. Its significance to me may be far more than just love, so I’ve titled it “Beijing x Story x Farewell.”
I never imagined I’d have much connection with Beijing. My only previous impression was from November 2018, when I attended an exhibition at the Beijing Exhibition Center. Coming from Wuhan, I misjudged the temperature and found myself shivering as I exited the station, which wasn’t exactly a good first impression.
The next time was in 2021, nearing graduation. Partly due to emotional factors, I started considering work in Beijing. Without much deep thought, and with a decent opportunity presenting itself, I decided on my temporary home for the next two years in just a few days.
I’ve always felt rather detached from cities, often thinking there’s nothing wrong with feeling at home anywhere. But the dilapidated feeling upon exiting Beijing West Station and the summer heat didn’t do much to improve my impression. Then came finding an apartment, starting work, and commuting between two points - everything seemed to happen naturally.
I seem to carry some lucky charm with me. The landlord is nice, allowing pets, and never interferes except to collect rent, yet is always available when there are issues at home. The company was originally an hour’s commute away, but after six months, it moved to Sanlitun, with plenty of food and entertainment options, and now only a 40-minute commute. My leader gave me a high degree of freedom, allowing me to explore freely over the past year and more. Experienced colleagues looked after me at work, staying late together and often gathering for meals, making the work environment, which occupied most of my life, feel less constraining. The product and test colleagues in the meeting room were also interesting, always saying, “Don’t frown, tell your sisters what’s bothering you,” and even giving me a Bumblebee toy on my birthday. Although projects were often challenging, each one allowed me to meet like-minded people, and even after overcoming the difficulties between client and supplier, we still maintained personal connections.
Luck is always limited, or perhaps always balanced. Or maybe my past self borrowed some luck from the future.
I’ve experienced times when, due to a breakup and other reasons, I stayed home for two months, losing 10 pounds, only able to sleep for two to three hours a day with the help of melatonin. There were times when I was dissatisfied with my work and life state, anxious until late at night before slowly falling asleep, only to wake up sleepless and dazed not long after. There were also times when, after drinking a lot at a company project dinner, I took a taxi home, only to find myself waking up in some corner of the residential area after sleeping for a few hours, struggling to get back to my room to clean up the mess, and even having to pay a few hundred yuan to the community’s uncle to redeem my phone left on the road when I woke up.
In these somewhat unfortunate moments, I couldn’t help but wonder, why bother? Why stay in a place that seems to always evoke memories of the past? Why stay in a place where I seem to have no motivation even to go out? Why stay in a place where I might not know who to call for help if something happened to me? Why bother?
For a period after that, I stayed cooped up at home. It seemed to not matter which city I was in, and even the change of seasons became blurred. Even now, I still haven’t been to places like the Forbidden City, the Old Summer Palace, or Universal Studios. I’ve been living like someone who’s just been staying in this city for an extended period. Even as I’m about to leave this city, I still don’t have much attachment to it. I’ve just gradually accumulated some people and memories to cherish. Perhaps I’m still not too accustomed to farewells; as the set date approaches, my mood tends to become heavier.
Life often resembles casually drawn lines, sometimes sparse, sometimes dense. Some intersect, while others diverge. But perhaps these elements together constitute the original appearance of life. As people grow older, life gradually reveals its true face - real, cruel, yet unavoidable.
Interesting Things and Objects
Input
Although most interesting inputs are automatically synced to the “Yu’s Life” Telegram channel, I’ll still select a few to list here. It feels more like a newsletter this way.
Articles
- Thoughts on ChatGPT Application Prompts | Reorx’s Forge
- My Six Personalized ChatGPT Assistants - Pin It!
- Self-Hosted SaaS Alternatives: Replacing Paid Tools With FOSS Tools
- Buidler DAO x SevenX: In-depth Research Report on Lens Protocol
Podcasts
Here are some podcasts I’ve been listening to:
Videos
Similarly, I’ve recorded some interesting videos I’ve watched:
- When the Company Becomes an Internet Cafe, Employees Collectively Hide from the Boss【Studio Room Tour】
- Returning to Tesla After 9 Years, More Intense Than Being a Content Creator?
- Facing Increasing Cyberbullying, What Can Ordinary People Do?
- We Live in Four Worlds
- Bing’s AI Chatbot is Alive | tech news
Movies
- Miss Chisen, I really like Kasumi Arimura. The seaside town and ordinary daily life make it hard not to associate with a kind of Hirokazu Koreeda-style sadness. Chisen redeems and warms those around her, but she always seems to remain an outsider to her own life, like Camus’ “The Stranger,” always carrying an atmosphere of loneliness.
Personal Life Snippets
I always thought my mindset was quite stable, but it turns out that when something I really want to succeed at appears in my life after a long time, I still get anxious to the point of needing to listen to music constantly to relieve the stress.
Perhaps because life after work has gradually become stable, I haven’t had much emotional fluctuation. I’ve even gotten used to putting myself under high pressure, so it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the feeling of anxiety. Recently, however, I’ve truly felt this extreme sense of anxiety. Maybe it’s because it’s something I really want to achieve, making it difficult to maintain a calm attitude.
Fortunately, it turned out well in the end. It wasn’t until the moment when the weight truly lifted from my heart that I realized how much pressure I had accumulated. I went to a bar with friends, drinking one glass after another, as if trying to let all the pressure dissipate with the alcohol.
Had meals with @RealAkemiHomura twice, walked and talked a lot. Although I’ve always thought of myself as not very social, it’s only when I’m about to leave Beijing that I realize there are still some people I want to see.
The weekend was unusually rich. I went out for barbecue with a client friend from a previous project, but as we were leaving, we were attracted by a comic exhibition we happened to glimpse downstairs. It turned out to be an unexpectedly interesting activity, and we spent the afternoon watching girls dance. As someone in the late stages of social phobia, I met two friends of my senior Boyi in the evening and felt that I might be improving a bit, which made me happy. After dinner, we went to the Tiaohai Bar to see a personal art exhibition by a friend from my senior’s art studio. I even won a micro-printed version of a painting in a lucky draw, which was also a very interesting experience.
Borrowing the first few words from the theme of this personal art exhibition, “Breaking out of Life,” my recent state seems to be about regaining expectations for everything through such means. Life may inherently come with many adversities, but ultimately, it requires the courage to break through.
It also reminds me of a line from “The Book of Time”:
Young man, your duty is to level the ground, not to worry about time. What you do in March and April will have answers in August and September.
I remember it was originally about solar terms, but now it’s just March and April, which is quite fitting.
In summary, although I didn’t do much serious work this week, I didn’t miss out on eating, drinking, playing, or having fun.
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