Weekly Review #53 - Three Blank Months, Life Adrift, and Spring Festival

'Special Person - Khalil Fong'

Preface

This piece is a record and reflection of my life from December 4, 2023, to February 29, 2024.

Much has transpired over the past few months, across various dimensions of life, making it challenging to begin writing this weekly review, which was originally intended to document daily life and personal thoughts. It seemed that no single or even two issues could summarize everything, and at the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to merely record a series of events without mentioning my feelings.

So, I gave myself a long holiday, so long that I found myself staring blankly at the document multiple times, wondering if I still had the ability to be a “weekly review” blogger.

I often say that my writing stems from my life, and when life is in disarray, I’m unable to convey my feelings. Yet, I’m also often too lazy to sort through and face the ups and downs that life brings. On many weekend nights, I convinced myself: “In January, definitely before the New Year, after the New Year, or maybe the Lantern Festival would be good too,” until February 29th of this leap year, a day that actually has no special connection to me but somehow feels ceremonial, I finally mustered the courage to restart.

In fact, I’ve never lacked the desire to share, only the courage to start anew.

The “Blank” Three Months

After much hesitation, I decided to start by recounting the past three months, following the chronology of events and the changes in my state of mind.

In “Weekly Review #52 - Self-Deprecating Personality and Another Perspective on Relationships,” I mentioned that my girlfriend and I are very different people. Of course, in that piece, I described more of the positive aspects of these differences. Little did I know that while differences in thinking and behavioral habits bring curiosity and mutual appreciation, one must also be prepared to bear the cost of disparities in personality and values.

Perhaps I had already realized this, but I allowed myself to indulge in the more concrete joys of life, while some cracks were quietly growing. Specific incidents can always be debated right and wrong in the moment or after emotions have settled, but inevitably, some feelings are lost in the process. I often think of myself as a lucky person, always receiving a lot of tolerance in relationships and other aspects of life. While jokingly saying “I don’t deserve this,” I had actually become accustomed to it. It wasn’t until conflicts erupted that I realized there was no such thing as luck; the silence and tolerance were actually layers of armor brought by the love I received, which would eventually break.

So, we experienced the end of a relationship, frank and sharp conversations, physical and psychological isolation, and learning to get along and love again. It seems that in just a few short months, we’ve traveled a long road, with mud and forks, but fortunately, we still have trust and love for each other, and we’ve decided to walk the path ahead hand in hand.

Life Adrift

Rather than “adjusting my life state” as I often said for the past half year, these few months have been more about truly choosing the direction and focus of my life. I gave up my fixed residence in Hangzhou and began a true “semi-nomadic” life. While in Hangzhou, I often sought out homestays near Liangzhu to stay for a few days, participating in some activities at Yumiao Ji. Now, after the New Year, I’ve embarked on a drifting plan, following the high-speed rail route from Hangzhou to Beijing that I’ve taken countless times, experiencing the atmosphere of different cities one stop at a time.

anhui_view

Actually, this idea originated from a high-speed train ride from Hangzhou to Beijing. As I happened to look out the window, we passed by Bengbu in Anhui province, and I saw this stunning view. I suddenly realized that I had passed through this place dozens of times, had seen its name in many internet memes, yet never thought my life would have any intersection with it, and perhaps I might never set foot there in this lifetime.

It’s not just places, but people too. Some friends live not far away, just an hour or two’s journey, and we always say “I’ll come visit you when I have the chance” in our chats, but it remains just words. This idea actually comes from people always believing too much in the promise of future days, only to regret when a certain moment arrives.

chat_with_maggie

Last Christmas Eve, my colleague Maggie passed away. In terms of frequency of communication, we certainly couldn’t be called close friends, but it all started with a casual work chat where she read my Eight Characters (a form of fortune-telling), which opened up many personal topics. When we talked about relationships, she told me about the scoundrel she encountered in the financial industry; she happily told me she was going to be a lecturer at Baptist University next year and asked how my school taught web3 when I was studying in Hong Kong; she read through the interview between polebug and me, saying she used to be an English major too; she talked about her undercover experiences and journalistic ideals when she was doing in-depth financial reporting at Sina Finance; and much more.

When I first heard the news, I was in a state of numbness, like what Camus described in “The Stranger,” until later when I saw that she had posted on WeChat Moments on December 20th saying, “My Oura reminded me that I actually have a fever.” Remembering that she had mentioned this when I asked about gifts, I went back to check the records, and all the emotions suddenly welled up. I finally felt the reality of the departure of a real friend who often brought laughter.

After experiencing this period, it seems the weight of life has changed somewhat.

I visited my high school buddy Jian Zi, who lives just three or four subway stops away in Beijing, we played badminton together a few times on weekends, and I invited him over for dinner; I met up with several college roommates in various cities, whom I had thought I might never see again after graduation, and we talked about all sorts of things from these years; I had dinner with high school friends during the Spring Festival, and after the New Year, I started drifting along the route “Hangzhou -> Shanghai -> Huzhou -> Nanjing -> …” to see the people and sceneries along the way.

Spring Festival

neimeng_with_boyi

This year’s Spring Festival was particularly lively. I spent half the time following my girlfriend to her hometown in Inner Mongolia, and the other half bringing her to Hangzhou to meet my family and friends. The journey was tiring and nerve-wracking, but also wonderful. Although I can’t pinpoint exactly why, after this week, I seem to feel that the bond between us has become stronger, and our interactions seem to have gained a bit more ease.

I’ve always believed that a person is composed of their personality, thoughts, and the environment of their growth experiences. While it’s impossible to accompany someone through their past, visiting the people they cherish or simply walking the paths they’ve walked is like an exploratory journey to understand a person, bringing more trust and courage, which are also important components of love.

seal_from_boyi

During the Spring Festival, it happened to be Valentine’s Day, and my girlfriend carved a seal with my name on it.

Adjusting Learning State

duolingo_profile

After a period of busy work and low mood in life, when I tried to fulfill my learning plans again, I always felt a bit powerless and distracted, always a bit out of sorts. Plus, I happened to see some interviews about Duolingo, so I thought I’d register and pick up German, my second foreign language that I hadn’t touched for years (English majors are required to choose another language as a second foreign language). Fortunately, some basic knowledge and foundation were still there, and I found a lot of fun in it.

After a while, I gradually became more able to settle down and spend a few hours learning something new. It’s a kind of “self-cultivation” through language learning, I suppose. The leaderboard feature is also very insightful about human nature; I would spend some time during my lunch break to climb back up if I saw someone had surpassed my ranking.

Other Matters

Actually, many things happened, but with such a long period, I don’t know where to start.

Work has been very enjoyable these past few months. Towards the end of last year, our team’s core project was fully open-sourced and decentralized. The development path has gradually become clear with the white paper and various plans. We often have two to three-hour meetings discussing details, which I find enjoyable. Open-sourcing has also brought requirements for code quality and standards, leading to a lot of growth.

I edited a life vlog - “Life Wandering Guide #01 | Sketching in the Old Summer Palace | Chaoyang Beer Festival | Trip to Inner Mongolia | Anniversary in Aranya”, rediscovering the joy of video creation, which is another way of preserving and recording life.

Life restarts along with the weekly review. Thank you to the friends who continued to leave encouraging comments and show concern for me on my blog during this period. Let’s keep moving forward together.

Interesting Things and Objects

Input

Although most interesting inputs are automatically synchronized in the “Yu’s Life” Telegram channel, I’ll still select some to list here, making it feel more like a newsletter.

Books

The Monk and the Philosopher, some thoughts on religion and philosophy, just started reading a bit after a conversation.
The Red and the Black, saw an interpretation from a video, the description of Julien’s self-esteem and the arrogance it manifests left a deep impression, currently reading.

Podcasts

Doing Colorful Work, Moving Colorful Bricks

Articles

Videos

Movies

The Life of Tsutae and Torayo, A documentary I had bookmarked long ago, about an elderly couple’s twilight years. The grandfather was once an architect. What left a deep impression was that during filming, the grandfather passed away. In life, he only liked to use wooden spoons instead of metal ones for eating. Afterwards, in the grandmother’s solitary life, she would always place a meal with a wooden spoon in front of his memorial photograph. A very plain yet warm narrative.
Someday or One Day, The only thing to say might be that it fulfilled the regret of the drama version’s ending. The rest, whether logic or pacing, fell far short.
Angry Sea, The plot itself is a bit weak, with some seemingly deliberately created conflicts and somewhat affected “madness”. However, the oppression, fear, morbid possessiveness, and impotent anger lingered long after the movie ended. The last time I had a similar feeling was after watching “A Sun”.
Darkest Hour, Timely transitions, tense music, and my favorite typewriter scenes immediately immersed me in that desperate moment. It also gave me my first impression of Churchill beyond the few brushstrokes in history books. Combined with “Dunkirk” which I had watched before, I could feel the sense of reality and weight in history.
1947 Boston, Too much deliberately presented heroism coupled with a flat sense of rhythm, somewhat disappointing. However, the ending was unexpected, real and bold.
Nobody but You, I originally wanted to watch it in the cinema before the New Year, but kept putting it off until the source was out. It’s a standard comedy, but the theme is quite new. As I’ve started working myself, I could actually find some sense of reality in the humor.
The Past Lives of the Deluge, My favorite movie I’ve watched recently. You could say there’s almost no plot, but the visuals, dialogues, and psychological descriptions are all beautiful. It reminds me of a drama I liked before, “Normal People”. Although his role wasn’t big, Arthur is really a genuine and warm person, a very attractive character.
The Dreamers, Supplementary tag. I watched it around my freshman year of college. Rebellious, passionate, indulgent, and free to the extreme, it formed my initial definition of “romance” when I was (still) young. The scene of running in the Louvre still leaves a deep impression on me.

TV Series

Blossoms Shanghai, I’ve always had high expectations for Hu Ge’s dramas, and his temperament also fits Mr. Bao very well. Apart from the ending part which seems a bit hasty, it’s one of the most impressive Chinese dramas I’ve watched this year. The set design and cinematography are truly beautiful!
Street Food, Niche street food, always feel that Southeast Asian street food vendors have a sense of mission and belonging to their careers, and the food also has a soul.
Love in Flames of War, I watched it intermittently because it was directed by a film editing vlogger I knew about, but maybe my expectations were too high, I found it mediocre after watching.
The Makanai: Cooking for the Maiko House, Currently watching.
The Newsroom, I’ve always been quite interested in news so I watched it when it was popular. The pace was quite eye-opening at first, but in the last few episodes, the vilification and redemption of the main characters lacked some driving force, as if it was hastily wrapped up.
Workers, I had watched “Silent Workers” before and have always been fascinated by Taiwan’s work culture. I was attracted by a B-site clip about Xiao Jie (although it mainly talked about his father’s generation). Just a few small clips could make me feel his clarity, sincerity and kindness. When watching many plots, I couldn’t help but feel anxious for the protagonists. “How did they get cheated again”, “Why are they so stupid”, including at the end, I was also annoyed that “good people don’t get good results”. But this is their instinctive choice when facing hardships, it’s the way they live seriously. Even though they think about making money every day, they still make admirable choices in the face of righteousness and kindness.
A Time Called You, A very fresh rebirth drama. Although the plot can be guessed from the beginning, the daily narrative and interspersed jokes are very dense. Although it can’t be called an ensemble cast, the depiction of the main characters is also very full.
Westworld, I’ve always looked forward to having a game close to “thinking” like Westworld. I guess the closest I can imagine is Minecraft with built-in GPT.

Anime

Bocchi the Rock!, Maybe I started watching it after seeing some clips. It’s indeed cute but not lonely at all, it’s just an introverted person surrounded by love.
Spy x Family Season 2, Anya is just too cute!
Jujutsu Kaisen, The setting and plot development feel a bit like “Chainsaw Man”, and the overall pacing is quite good!

Music

Jorge Regula by The Moldy Peaches
Get Us Back Again by dazeychain
Moments. by 8Bite
ハッピーエンド by back number
Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran

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Author

pseudoyu

Backend & Smart Contract Developer, MSc Graduate in ECIC(Electronic Commerce and Internet Computing) @ The University of Hong Kong (HKU). Love to learn and build things. Follow me on GitHub

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